David Allen Coe’s famous song “You Never Even Call Me By My Name” explains that the perfect country western song has to talk “about momma, or trains, or trucks, or prison or gettin’ drunk.”

So his friend went back and added a verse to his song with the lyrics:

“Well, I was drunk the day my momma got out of prison,
And I went to pick her up in the rain.
But before I could get to the station in the pick-up truck,
She got runned over by a damned old train.”

Watch the video here, with the key section at 3:20, if you’re unfamiliar.

When we saw this story, we said that there’ll have to be a country-western song about this Phoenix man:

Following a night of drinking, and arguing with his girlfriend, [Mr.] Kelley hit the sheets.

After the bed bugs attacked, he’d had enough.

He initially tried to spray the little monsters with cologne, but found that while they probably smelled great, they were still in his bed and chompin’ at his flesh.

So rather than find a different place to sleep and deal with his bed-bug issue in the morning (perhaps when he sobered up) he decided to fight bed bugs with fire.

Kelley set the bedding on fire inside his apartment. When the fire got a little out of hand, he moved the sheets to his front porch.

The building in front of which Kelley started the fire has a wood frame, which can lead to some fairly obvious, potential problems when mixed with fire.

Phoenix investigators arrested the 56-year-old man for arson, criminal damage, and endangerment, all felonies, plus misdemeanor assault. We haven’t seen an update on whether he was penalized for the crimes, but if so, then prison could be another element to be included in that perfect country-western song.

Please don’t treat bed bugs yourself- it’s far better and safer to call a professional. Never set fire to your bed or sheets in order to get rid of these pests.  It’s dangerous to you, your loved ones, neighbors, and emergency responders- and besides the bugs may merely flee the fire!